La Pine, Oregon

Back when I wrote one of my first posts on here I was living with my parents in Salem. Before that I was living in Portland and going to community college. It was then, around the fall of 2011 that my mom sent me word of my dad's diagnosis. I wish I could say my decision to leave school was entirely because of my concern for my father but that wouldn't be the truth. It wouldn't be a lie either, do not mistake me, but I was at an impasse in my life, my courses were garbage and I was struggling with some major depression. Not to mention my money-spending habits and the way we used to party back than.
When I left for home, part of me was hopeful that I'd come home to my family with open arms and hearts. I had this vision of my dad and I sitting down at some bar, just drinking and drinking and swapping stories. A last hurrah before he really lost it. Needless to say the actuality of the situation was nothing like my daydreams. My mom's work life had recently become volatile and money was tight already with my dad not working so whenever she came home the atmosphere always seemed very tense. My dad had also failed to live up to my expectations. In the early stages he became very grumpy and frustrated easily. My brother and Have always been the type of people who sponge off the moods of those around us so cooped up in our tiny house we became nest of fear, aggression and sadness.
Now, I won't go into it too much more but my things have always been rough between my parents and I even before the diagnosis so it's always been hard to reconcile but the reason I'm telling you this is because I've been here at their house for a day and a half now and I actually feel like I'm fitting in a bit better.
See, when I went back to 'take care' of my dad the first time, I was running away from my school and my job. This time I'm not here for good, and my dad is actually in need of me. I know that's a fucked up concept but I really like that for once I feel like I'm worth something to them. It feels really empowering.

They got a new puppy. That takes the puppy count to a whopping four. It's a bit chaotic here but I feel like having the dogs around to fuss over gives dad something to keep him lucid.